But how? (Toltz)

I had to do something. But what? I had to be someone. But who? I didn't want to imitate the stupidity of the people around me. But whose stupidity should I imitate? And why did I feel sick at night? Was I afraid? Was fear making me anxious? How could I think clearly if I was anxious? And how could I understand anything if I couldn't think clearly? And how was I going to function in the world if I couldn't understand anything?

Steve Toltz, A Fraction of the Whole