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Sunday, November 21, 2010

The Ballad of Airport Security

Says the TSA:

Isn't flying fun today?
Worth every dollar that you pay!
We can almost guarantee no one will hijack
This plane with nail clippers or a tie tack...

Like nervous cattle you line up;
You've been warned not to disrupt
This flow of potential terrorists—
And if you do, we will be pissed!

You may believe a lot of rot about being free
Or preserving your self-respect and dignity,
But let me tell you, that won't fly with us—
And neither will you if you make a fuss!

You have no rights, once through that gate;
You've turned yourself over to your fate.
If we don't like the shirt you wear or book you read,
Then you'll stay home today, oh yes indeed!

No search is unwarranted or unfair
If you wear a beard or funny hair
Or seem a little fatter than you should
Or claim you walk upon a leg of wood.

If your breasts are good or your attitude is bad,
Or if you seem too happy or too sad,
Then you must hold still and shut your mouth
And let us grope you, north and south.

We take no joy in fondling you,
It's something that they make us do.
But don't even think of opting out—
That's not what this is all about!

Responds the passenger:

Fine! Assume my guilt until you see
Your scanner reveal the naked me!
Touch me on my underpants!
Ignore my pleas and angry rants!

Don't see me as a person in your power,
Just molest me for $11 an hour!
My forefathers fought to be free of tyranny,
But I'll be no trouble and go quietly.


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